I have a good opinion of casual sex; I wouldn’t keep doing it if I didn’t.  However, every once in a while I am amazed at the balls–the gall, not the size–of some of the men I’ve fucked.  But, let’s just assume they’re ignorant, not dickwads.  In that case, they need pointers, and I am here to help.  This is the first in a series.  More to come.

Having casual sex with someone does not give you license to be an asshole, or to be thoughtless.  One-night stands are fun, but if you want to go back for more, or to assure your reputation as a good lay (bitches on Twitter truly do sing like birds, I assure you) then treat the lady with respect.  A slut is still a lady, just as a player is still a gentleman.

I choose to host my fucks–because I like snoozing after I come, and because I have pets–so these tips are geared toward the gentleman caller who goes to the lady’s home, but with some thought these pointers can apply to any combination of gender, host, guest, voyeur, or so on.

  • Walk in with a gift for your host–a bottle of wine will usually do, and pot is often welcome.  If she’s in AA, you’ll have to be more creative–maybe coffee and cigarettes?  Don’t assume you and your cock are enough.  You’ll be amazed at how generous she’ll be in kind.  If you do not utilize the gift with her–which is at her discretion–do not even attempt to take it with you when you leave.  Or do, and chances are she’ll be as ungenerous with you–by not inviting you back to her home, or body.
  • If you consume anything she’s offered, you should return the generous gift in kind.  Again, you and your cock are not enough. Nothing in her home was free, buddy.  Think about how much you’re saving by not having to do the usual three-dates-then-a-grope dating bullshit, and repay your host accordingly.  This includes beverages–even non-alcoholic ones.  Did you drink some bottled water?  Bring bottled water AND the host gift the next time you go over to get some action.
  • If you’re ashamed you’re fucking her, don’t.  She’s not your girlfriend–you don’t need to introduce her to Mama–but neither of you should feel debased for the great sex you’re having.  Chances are, if one of you feels embarrassed to be with the other, your sex isn’t all that good anyway.  You love fucking fat chicks but don’t want your buddies to know?  Get the fuck over yourself, and don’t punish her for your hangup.  Besides, public sex antics are, you know, in public.  You need to be able to take her out every once in a while.

Take these to heart, men.  You WILL get laid more often if you’re not a douche.  The series shall continue …

I swear.  True story.