One night I was horny.  Many nights I’m horny.  Most of the nights I am horny.

A night not unlike many other nights, I was horny and sought the company of a gentleman via Craig’s List.  On this particular night I settled on a young gentleman whose ad indicated he wanted to only go down on a woman, that he expected nothing in return, and that the reason for this was that he had a girlfriend who would not let him eat her box.

He came over to my house with wine in hand.  We drank some and then retired to the bedroom.  Where he went down on me … for about 30 seconds.  Suddenly, he felt guilty that he was cheating on his girlfriend.  Nothing had changed though.  When he placed the ad he had a girlfriend, when we exchanged emails he had a girlfriend, when he arrived at my house and chatted over wine he had a girlfriend.  He even had a girlfriend when he walked up the stairs into my bedroom.

He assured me that he wasn’t using the girlfriend as an excuse because he found my snatch unappetizing.  I knew that–my pussy tastes fucking good–but it was still nice to hear.  I then went from lay-back-and-enjoy-getting-a-nice-cunt-lapping mode to comfort-a-guilt-ridden-cheater mode.

I told him that it would be better not to tell his girlfriend anything, as nothing had happened anyway.  I gave him pointers on getting her to allow him to lick her pussy.  Finally, as there was no reason for him to be in my house–he was there to give me an orgasm, but talking in mom-tones to an a confused guy just doesn’t make me come–he left.

Only I was still horny.  Back to CL I went.  This time I wasn’t wasting any time with some guy who just wanted to go down on a woman–I wanted to get fucked.  I settled on an ad, and we exchanged a couple emails; we didn’t even bother to talk on the phone or exchange photos.  As time was getting away from us, I told the guy to come right over.

A cute guy showed up with motorcycle helmet in hand.  He was really cute.  I was amazed at my incredible luck.  He found me attractive too, something he probably found fortuitous as well.  Wasting no time, we immediately went up to my bedroom.  He was a good kisser–I remember thinking, “This is going to be fun” as he took off his jacket and then his sweater.

His phone kept ringing.  Very annoying.  Eventually, he said he had to take the call.  My apartment offers no privacy, and it was late enough that I was concerned that my neighbors would hear him talking if he did so out on my patio or in my building’s hallway, so he went out to the street to talk on the phone.

I pattered around my apartment and I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Hmmm.  What the fuck?  I noticed that he had taken his motorcycle helmet and jacket with him.  Weird.

I waited some more.  I sent him some nasty emails (I didn’t have his phone number).  This could not possibly be.  No way.  The odds against two “horny” guys coming over without putting out on the same night were just too great, right?  And yet it happened to me.

Maybe I did smell.  Maybe I was too ugly.  Maybe I was too fat.  As a dumb girl these silly things are running through my head often.  But when I realized that not one, but two, guys who claimed to be interested in having some fun no-strings-attached sex would rather leave my apartment than get in my pussy, the dumb girl script went into overdrive.

I was beginning to think no one wanted to fuck me.  Yeah, I felt sorry for myself.

The weekend was not a complete loss, however; I did meet 26yo (more to come on him).

Recently, the would-be pussy eater contacted me, apparently finally willing to go down on me for longer than half a minute.  However, other than that he was wanted to make up for his embarrassing behavior from over a year prior, I really had no reason to give him another chance.  What was the point?  I had plenty of guys to actually go down on me.

The guy with the motorcycle helmet told me that he had been detained, but not arrested, by the police the night he was at my place.  Hmmm.  Definitely a creative story, and for that–and my attraction to him–I gave him points.  For many months we exchanged emails in an attempt to see each other again.  He was always busy with work, though, and now I can’t remember what he looked like.  But I know he was cute.

Really, I would like to know the odds ….

I swear.  True Story.