I was walking Isis in Buena Vista Park one day when I came across something that assured that no matter what else happened, that day would be a good one.

The park is basically a wooded hill.  There a paved road to the top of the hill, and there are several dirt trials traversing up and down the hill on all sides.



Because it’s a big wooded hill, Buena Vista Park is not a good picnic park.  There are some benches strategically located to take in the view, but Isis and I treat it as an urban forest and “hike” though it.  It is well known for its view, and notorious as a cruising park for local gentlemen wanting to enjoy fresh air … on their dicks.

While hiking on one of the dirt trials I saw a condom wrapper.  Hmm, funny.  Then I saw, ever so gingerly draped over a small branch, a used condom.  Even funnier.  I should have continued the walk.  But I was interested.

I was interested like some people are thrilled to see car crashes.  I hate auto accidents–if I see a collision, or go by the aftermath of a crash, I actually look the other way.  I don’t need to see a mangled body, thankyouverymuch.  I never saw “Two Girls, One Cup” and I never will.  That video with the jar and the guy’s bleeding ass?  Won’t see it.

But this time I couldn’t tear my eyes away.  I looked at the used condom closer.  I wanted to see if it had come in it.  I don’t know why I wanted to see, but I did.  It did not have come in it.  It did, however, have shit on it.  YES!  I know, I’m a sick fuck, but that is damn hilarious.

I tried to take photos, but my phone has a crap camera.  And it’s probably for the best that the photos didn’t come out, because really, I may be the only person on earth who actually wants to see something like that.  People would think I’m into scat or something.  I am not.  The few times shit (yeah, more than once–don’t judge) has been involved in my sex life were messy and embarrassing accidents, NOT turn-ons.

A shitty used condom made my day.

I swear.  True story.