Today is my birthday.  I’m trying not to feel old.  And feeling sorry for myself is just boring.

Geminis kick ass.  It’s true.  Really, think about it–the Geminis you know are cool people.  And Geminis get along well with other Geminis, which means we’re not self-loathing, always a good thing.  I even have a Gemini tattoo.Photo 36

Some interesting people with May 30 birthdays:

  • Cee-Lo (b. 1974) of Gnarles Barkley;
  • Manny Ramirez (b. 1972), baseball player–actually I don’t give a fuck about him, but I’ve heard of him and some of you might give a shit;
  • Wynonna Judd (b. 1964)–again, don’t give a shit, but I’ve heard of her;
  • Colm Meany (b. 1953)–pretty cool actor;
  • Christine Jorgensen (b. 1926)–transsexual pioneer.

More interesting are the May 30 deaths:

  • Perry Ellis (d. 1986)–fashion designer;
  • Voltaire (d. 1778)–French philospher dude who died a painful death;
  • Christopher Marlowe (d. 1593)–contemporary of Shakespeare who died, on May 30, after being stabbed in a bar fight when he was 29; he wrote Edward II, the film version of which I saw and dissected in a queer theory film class that fulfilled a requirement of my college minor–Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Studies;
  • Joan of Arc (d. 1431).  When I was four my mother had her first female lover 41aoTuHIh2L._SS500_(her word, not mine), Dawn, who was a radical feminist.  She told me that Joan of Arc was burned at the stake on my birthday.  Dawn gave me a Joan of Arc poster that hung on my bedroom wall for years.  (I would know the poster if I saw it again–Joan in silhouette kneeling– but so far no luck; I like this one though.)  Dawn explained that Joan of Arc was a feminist well before anyone knew what a feminist was because she fought in a war disguised as a man; that she was brave by doing something women weren’t allowed to do at the time.  I now know that Joan was a bit of a religious nut job, but I do like Dawn’s explanation to four-year-old me.

And not that I give two fucks about marriage, but some famous people have gotten married on May 30.  Some are even still married.

Ani DiFranco
  • Charlie Sheen & Brooke Allen (2008)–douche and arm candy wife; still married, but I don’t hold much hope considering his track record;
  • Richard Dreyfuss & Janell Lacey (1999)–divorced;
  • Ani DiFranco & Andrew Gilchrist (1998)–cool chick (that’s her over there ——>) who hasn’t sold out to the man; divorced;
  • Joe Strummer & Lucinda Mellor (1995)–he died in 2002, but they weren’t divorced;
  • Paul Simon & Edie Brickell (1992)–music royalty, of a sort; still married;
  • Clarence Thomas & Virginia Lamp (1987)–Supreme Court Justice/conservative ass and the woman who has to put up with his pubic hair on soda cans and everywhere else; still married;
  • Kelsey Grammer & Doreen Alderman (1982)–divorced;
  • Tommy Lee Jones & Kimerlea Gayle Cloughley (1981)–divorced;
  • Natalie Wood & Richard Gregson (1969)–divorced; hottie Natasha Gregson Wagner‘s biological parents;
  • Dolly Parton & Carl Dean (1966)–still married, though there have been rumors for years that Carl is Dolly’s beard.

May 30 was the original Memorial Day, before it was changed to fall on the last Monday of May so people could get a day off work.  Basically, if you weren’t born on the 150th day of the year, your life is barely worth living.  Maybe you should die a tragic death today so you’ll at least have something.

Notice I have a “Donate” button now?  Yeah, that’d be a nice birthday present.

I swear.  True story.