I met DJ when I was eight.  She was one of my mother’s many lovers, but the only one with whom I am still in contact.  Having the absolute conviction that she loves me unconditionally has helped me through life.  My sixteenth year was a particularly hard one:  I lost my virginity, I had my first “real” relationship, and I moved out on my own.  DJ gave me her unique counsel.


Suzanne, a person of sixteen years.  Lived half socially unacceptable, half nuclear.  Caucasian in body, defineless in spirit.  A doubter of self, a watcher of others, a question mark the base of her emotion.  Filled with wonder at the meaning of it all.  Surely she cant’ be the only one who won’t catch the ball, and just what makes the masses play day after day?

How can she be expected to understand the contrary ways of a world not of her design?  A giant in a dwarf’s playground.  Naive or clean slate do not capture her essence; it isn’t what she knows but what she is.  So sweet and infinite in depth.  A willingness and openness, a burden gift from a god not yet of her understanding.  Forever blessed with the vision of light and dark.

Going against the American grain, she did not ask to be different, nor did she choose, picking between a personal right or wrong is not a defiant action; it is what makes each one of us uniquely ourselves.

The more she sees, the more she learns, bombarded into confusion.  Rules and puzzle pieces fly her way and from behind her daze she continues to wonder, “Just what the hell is this all about?”  Her survival listens to the faint self knowledge that she’s okay, but unable to turn down the volume of voices that say she’s not.

My “Nanner,” sixteen years in age, with all this vast feeling within her.  Sensations that reach beyond her physical being.  No words in the English language to describe it.  She is not what she appears, this body only interferes, if only this were a spirit world, she’d understand then.

Sweet one so young, you need to know, not in your throat but down in your soul.  You’ve learned your lessons well, but a lesson in life is not the lesson of life.  It takes time.  Be aware of your torso, the sensations here are your “soul,” for lack of a better word that might be “window.”  From here comes your personal strength, your essence and conscience, it isn’t a Rubic’s Cube.  The answers will come to you, don’t look so hard, it will only cause you frustration.  You can’t miss your answers, they’ll come to you along the path you take, or the path that takes you.  Relax as best you can; a generation blossoms between the ages of thirty and forty.

Experience what you know to be 90% safe, look both ways before crossing the street and know beyond knowing that I love you!