10:59 am

Had a dream about Amy.  [Step-Sister] and I were shopping and I saw Amy.  We ran up to each other and hugged like we do when we see each other in econ.  But then we ran quick as possible to try to find some place private to get intimate.  It was quite interesting because I don’t usually have dreams about people until long after I’ve stopped thinking about them.  I just remembered the dream I had about SB when I kissed her.  Maybe I have had a crush on S.  But considering I dislike her so much, I don’t think so.  But then again, maybe.

2:20 pm

If I told Dad and [Step-Mother] that I was interested in both guys and girls, they wouldn’t let me have anyone over, just in case.  I would like just to be honest with them and tell them what I’m doing and how I am without being stopped or judged.  [Step-Sister] already knows about Juree and perhaps

3:50 pm

if I remember right, Erica, and I hope not, but I think so, Amy.  I can remember [Step-Sister] saying, “So you’re the only straight one,” or something of that nature.  If she knew, she’d start asking me rude, embarrassing questions about why or how.  But I don’t know why if not because it’s love right now.  I wonder if Amy just started because I’m around, available, and accepting, or if she liked me before.  Probably the former.  I want to be special to someone but when I realize I’m not, I can accept being just one of the many.  This two weeks is going to last an awful long time.  I keep having little sexual day dreams.  They’re nice and all but I have to do other things.

6:15 pm

Bored, no energy, in a slump.  Why?  Thinking about what’s going on at home.  Want to spend New Year’s Eve or Day with just the four of us.  Just the four of us have never spent time alone together.  Maybe I’m just being sentimental but these three people are going to be sharing my life with me for a while.  I don’t like being alone–being alone down here not knowing anyone with nothing to do is not fun.  I like just being about to walk over someplace and simply hang out together talking or relaxing discussing philosophy, etc.  Of course I’m being slightly sarcastic about the philosophy but I love just sitting there and saying stuff like, “Why the hell do people put trees in their houses at Christmas time?”  I want to get a close open relationship amongst us all that we can use in the future.  Once again I’m being selfish because I’m only thinking how it will help me be a better person.  But maybe it will benefit them also.  I’m stilll at Ruth’s house watching them put crap on the Christmas three.  Janie’s got a gun.  Maybe it seems as if I’m on a bummer.  Wait, I’m beginning to sound like [Step-Mother].  Fuck her, I’m doing just fine.  When Amy and I were done, after Erica had come and left, I asked Amy if she was thinking about Juree.  She said not, that she was thinking about me.  “But why?” asked I.  She didn’t answer to I don’t know why.  I didn’t really get to say good-bye properly to any of them but not a word except at the end of lunch to Amy.  I don’t think I really think of them as individual people, more as a untit–the three of them, the four of us.  But how long will it last?  Oh gee, I hope Amy can’t stop thinking about me because I was so good.  Not good really, that makes it sound cheap, more like me–thinking of me.  Whenever I kiss let myself be pushed back because I’m so comme çi, comme ça just relaxed–complete subservience that’s me.  For some reason I’m thinking of this trip as some sort of turning point.  Everything will be different in some way when I return.  Perhaps the newness will have worn off.  Will they still want me?  Not sexually, but as a friend.  Anyway, I hope Amy is talking about how good I am.  Which I hope I am because that’s a good attribute.  But anyone who gets excited as easily as I do must excite the other person.  Erica told me I was a great kisser even after I told her she wasn’t anything to shout about.  And I’ve been told before that I’m a passionate kisser (thank you, Mike) so heck, I must be pretty good.  But I don’t want to get an ego about it and go around telling people about it ’cause then if they ever kiss me they might be disappointed.  Erica told me she was good, but I doubted at the time she thought she would ever kiss me.  She said that Juree was a good kisser.  I’d like to find out but Juree is a commendable person and doesn’t want to cheat.  So I’d like not to be forgotten by anyone.  When I go back I want to be celebrated.  I think my hormones are working overtime because I keep thinking about going back and getting sex.  Amy has the most adorable nose and that little swirl on the back of her neck.  And her body’s got a good shame–little, tight, but not tiny.  Litle like tallness.  Big, large, round, full, voluptuous breasts and the rest of her body is proportioned well.  Erica has a really nice stomach.  Flat, smooth, white, hairless, slightly rounded.  Anyway, I guess I’ve always known but not quite admitted it.  Mary has a cute little  butt and nice legs but she’s just a wee-bit too hairy.  Lisa has big boobs but you’d be afraid of smothering.  Without a bra she must sag something fierce.  But guys’ bodies are great too.  I still have yet to see Rick without a shirt but I know it would be nice.